Dear Sir,

I think the decisions you’ve made are like crap from a constipated iguana. Your mere existence is a waste of  internal organs. Therefore, our policies should change.

Sincerely,

Tom

If that’s you, if your name is Tom and you wrote that letter, you may need ToneCheck, simultaneously one of the most necessary and obnoxious advancements in email technology since laughing out loud was shortened to three simple letters.

The basic idea behind ToneCheck is that people don’t know how to properly express themselves in writing and we need to help them. Often, it seems, people sound more angry on email than they actually are. One example is "understood" versus "understand". If you were to say, "You misunderstood," the inferred meaning is generally more aggressive than saying, "You misunderstand."

The idea of ToneCheck is valid enough. Each of us has received (and probably sent) a number of emails that were taken the wrong way. And, more likely than not, we know of a few people in each of our lives that would greatly benefit from a program that made sure they weren’t being complete jackasses before clicking SEND. On every email.

The unfortunate thing about ToneCheck is that it’s just another crutch in a line of instruments that hurt communication by helping communication. I don’t want to get all Grandpa Luddite – technology is ruining the way we interact with people, people should get off their BlackBerrys and look at where they are, stop texting while driving, call your Aunt instead of emailing her for Godsake, no one writes letters anymore and our children’s penmanship atrocious! However, ToneCheck is going to kill me and then kill all of you once I’m gone.

ToneCheck does not replace bad spelling (lazyness) or bad grammar (stupidity and laziness); it replaces common sense.

The example on the ToneCheck website is an email that reads: Bob, You should get off your pedestal and listen to your sales team. They do support you and will do what needs to get done. Sincerely, Mary.

ToneCheck has an angry face near the underlined portion. Why: to indicate that that portion of the letter conveys an angry tone.

No shit. I’d like to see Mary walk into Bob’s office and say that sentence kindly. It’s angry because it is intended to be angry, not because Mary is trying to take it easy on Bob. If that’s the case, Mary is a sociopath and we’ve a whole other postal-worker issue on our hands beyond the tone she’s taking in her intra-office memos.

Let’s keep it simple. We can tonecheck ourselves using techniques and technologies that we already use everyday anyway – a little decency and respect and common sense and, of course, a little smiley changes everything:

Dear Sir,

I think the decisions you’ve made are like crap from a constipated iguana :) Your mere existence is a waste of internal organs ;) Therefore, our policies should change… :-) :^) :-D

Sincerely,

Tom